I went to mass this morning and was pleasantly surprised that the church was filled with young students from the school nearby. It is the first week of school. 🙂 This time there was music during the mass. The sound of their voices truly made me feel warmer, closer to God, and much more at home.
How lovely is your dwelling place,
O Lord mighty God, Lord of all
Of course the Himig Heswita version was not sung. But I couldn’t help but remember the song and the video. It kept playing in my head as one of the student read the Responsorial Psalm.
It’s been one month since we moved here, and I must say, the transition has been quite easy. It has a lot to do with Tom and Manay Kat and Kuya PJ. The feeling of having family was always there. And the internet has made it much easier to be in contact with those back in the Philippines.
I have to admit though, that despite the marital bliss, and the comfort of waking up next to the man that I love, there are pangs of homesickness that hit me. Facebook has been such a big help in reminding me of the many things that I am missing out on, the people I love, the events in their lives and the country I fight for. Yet I soak it all in – reading, eating, breathing the minute details of their lives – trying to keep a connection to home.
Hmm. But this is home too.
I had a conversation with someone before – I think it was Manay Camille – about the concept of Home and Feeling At Home. Wherever I was in the world – whether in San Francisco, or Virginia or New York – I always felt at home. There was no sick feeling or painful longing for Manila. I was always surrounded by people I loved and people who loved me. And then I would choose to go back to Manila.
It’s not too different from here. Vancouver is beautiful. My husband is wonderful. Manay Kat, Kuya PJ and Xave are great. But this time there is a deeper longing for the Philippines.
Maybe it’s because I’ll be gone for a longer time.
Maybe because I had to let go of certain things I told myself I would never let go of.
It may sound sad – but really it’s quite amazing… to have found someone that was so special that I was willing to let go of so many things. Bitter-sweet.
But more sweet than bitter.